when can i put on my dirndl?!

location: maria alm am steinernen meer, austria
time: 22:45

i sat down today to write in my journal, something i fall out of the habit of doing daily when i am in school and need to get back in rhythm with now that i am a bit freer. it really helps to keep me somewhat saner than i am without it... any how, i meant to write all about the crazy dreams i have been having and to reflect and all i got down was "i've come to realize a lot of things over my 21 years, i just can't remember what they are..." how incredibly apt for how i've been feeling over the last few days and weeks!

it is really in the beauty of this place and the people in it that i find the joy in coming here. although the mountains are hidden by the clouds, rain, and mist at the moment, just knowing they are there is wonderful. ah to be surrounded once again by that majesty! when the sun does make an appearance it shins down from the bluest sky one can imagine and through the most perfect fluffy white clouds you can dare dream of. and what it shines down on is even better. the farm house and the people in that house. my family. the cousins (so distantly and confusingly related that we don't even try to explain) that welcome me into their homes and hearts with such enthusiasm that it's really quite overwhelming. there are tutsi and hans, the grandparents. christian and michi and their kids hanna, flora, jacob, and lorenz (who is turning five soon!), hanna's boyfriend, hanes, and at the moment a lovely british couple, liz and her husband david. and all but the grandparents under one roof. and there is always something going on here! and every catastrophe is handled and chore is done and then discussed with laughter, despite the fact that there may not have been any humor in the situation at the time.

and if that doesn't sound wonderful then let me share some of the things i love most: milk fresh from the cow, accordion music played terrifically by my 13 year old cousin, laughing over homemade bread and coffee in the afternoon, biking in the parking lot with my 5 year old cousin while shouting about something or other, eating directly from the pan (who needs plates!), giggling with the girls about who knows what, and getting dressed up in my dirndl for special occasions... not to mention the horses!!

michi is truly a super woman and i am constantly in awe of all she does. tutsi is the same although tutsi has moved out of the main farm house around the corner to her own house and is no longer as involved in the everyday goings on. these two women guide this gigantic wonderful family with grace and love. michi is such a kind person. i hardly ever see her lose her composure or temper despite the fact that everyone constantly wants and needs something from mama! i could go on for hours but i'll sum it up with a tiny story (you know how much i love those!): i was packing up to leave last summer, which i didn't want to do but had to, and as i was packing i found in the pocket of my backpack a small magnet which said simply "friends are the family we choose for ourselves." now i often feel i'm stuck in an odd limbo, not quite a kid but also not fitting with the adults. michi made and makes me feel like i belong and that i too am important and worth time. it's a skill i hope i have and can work on so that i too can make everyone around me feel their own worth and wonder.

if it isn't apparent, let me say it: i love it here. i am so glad to be back and wish i didn't have to leave again so soon!!

and now it's bed time! i'm toying with the idea of getting up at 0530a to milk the cows on the alm... farmers go to sleep early so off i go! :)